The F*#k It List

We have all heard (and probably use) the term “Bucket List.” It comes from that wonderful film of the same title that starred Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as two ageing men that need to come to terms with their own mortality. For the two of you who still don’t know what I am talking about, a Bucket List is ALL the things you want/need to accomplish before you “kick the bucket.” It may include visiting exotic places, or conquering some long-desired yet feared or resisted experience, making amends with someone with whom you have become estranged, or anything else that will allow you to feel complete with your life and the ones you love. It was an idea that captured the imagination and soon became a world-wide household term.

I, of course, have a personal Bucket List, which thankfully gets shorter each year. It has helped me focus on the things and people who are truly important. It has also helped me let go of some things that seemed important at one point in my life but upon deeper examination, I realized were someone else’s expectation that I took on as my own. Let it go! And I have.

I have a friend, Jim Lindheim, author of the wonderful novel Spin, who upon reaching the age of 70, created a new list. No, not a Bucket List; he already had that. He called this one the F*#k It List. It came to him upon his umpteenth time of trying to read Moby Dick and putting it down after fifty pages or so. Jim realized that he was carrying around in his brain a rather long list of the things that other people told him he must do or accomplish (now that he was retired) for which he really had absolutely no desire or need. The F*#k It list calls on us to be introspective and truly honest with ourselves. It asks us to take stock of who we really are. It demands that we take a stand for our core truths and values. It requires that we really know ourselves and are not overly influenced by others, no matter how much we love and respect them. And it means that we are willing to disappoint others (a tough one for me, personally) in our drive to be fully authentic, to be ourselves. When you think about it, the F*#k It List is truly liberating!

So here is what I suggest. Take a good, hard look at your Bucket List to make sure that ALL of the items there are truly expressions of who you are. Your needs, not just some vague wants or ideas someone talked you into. And then, start to make a list of those things floating around in your head that have the word, “should” or “ought” attached to them. Let them marinate for a while. No need to rush it. Afterwards, but only when you are really ready, read the list. Each item should make you smile (or perhaps bring some tears when you realize you have been schlepping around someone else’s burden for who knows how long). That is the beginning of your F*#k It List. Most of all, have fun with this! And like we say in my native Brooklyn, f@#k it!